Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
