Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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