So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
