So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
