sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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