we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
