There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if only i could text you this smell
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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