what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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