I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to make a zoo with you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
