but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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