he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
