I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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