Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
