i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
