I hate all girls vehemently.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize