The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
