I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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