We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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