Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
