He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
