That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
