im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
