he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
