69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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