and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
