if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
