you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
