I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
