i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
