You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize