I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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