Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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