Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
