Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
