Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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