I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
