Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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