Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
