Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
