a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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