Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
