I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize