He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
