he was CRYING into my vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
