Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
