The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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