I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize