He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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