Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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