even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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