I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She bit a glass in half.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize