Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
