I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
