After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
