Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize