I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
