I just saw a hot homeless man
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
