i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
