I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
