I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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