better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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