Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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