I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Even my vagina gasped.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
