Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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