Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
