dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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