dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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