i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize