I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Are we still banned from the library?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize