Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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