Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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