remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
