I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
