I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
