my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
