there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize