I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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