Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am one with the molecules
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
