my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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