If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
