Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
