He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
