it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
