my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
